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  • Taking too long to orgasm from sex and masturbation

    During masturbation with a fleshlight or sex I either take forever to ejaculate (40min minimum) which is too long for continuous intercourse, or every once in a while if I lose control I ejaculate within a couple of minutes, never in between. So basically if I control myself the first couple of minutes I take too long to orgasm. It happened gradually where I would last 15-20 a couple years ago until it got to where it is now. Is there anything I can do to fix this?

  • #2
    Re: Taking too long to orgasm from sex and masturbation

    Surreal, do you use your hand still to masturbate?

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    • #3
      Re: Taking too long to orgasm from sex and masturbation

      Welcome to the Forums Surreal! I actually have the same 'problem'. for me it can take up to an hour or even two to orgasm when I am with a woman. For me it is kinda fun as I enjoy making women orgasm again and again, but to finish up is kinda frustrating/stressful especially if she wants to reciprocate things.

      I suggest two things. First stop watching porn. One of the effects of porn is that you are a spectator instead of an actor, if you watch to much all your sexual experiences are framed as the watcher instead of the do-er, that can lead to problems.
      My second suggestion is to research some Tantric sex. I am eyeing a book called "Slow Sex: The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality". Interesting topic, essentually you turn your problem into a source of sexual fulfilment.

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      • #4
        Re: Taking too long to orgasm from sex and masturbation

        Originally posted by AceOfSpades View Post
        Welcome to the Forums Surreal! I actually have the same 'problem'. for me it can take up to an hour or even two to orgasm when I am with a woman. For me it is kinda fun as I enjoy making women orgasm again and again, but to finish up is kinda frustrating/stressful especially if she wants to reciprocate things.

        I suggest two things. First stop watching porn. One of the effects of porn is that you are a spectator instead of an actor, if you watch to much all your sexual experiences are framed as the watcher instead of the do-er, that can lead to problems.
        My second suggestion is to research some Tantric sex. I am eyeing a book called "Slow Sex: The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality". Interesting topic, essentually you turn your problem into a source of sexual fulfilment.
        +1 for not looking at porn. This can be a big problem and you might not even realize it.

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        • #5
          Re: Taking too long to orgasm from sex and masturbation

          @aussiefaz No I haven't used my hand since I got my fleshlights a few years ago. So I doubt I have DGS since this wasn't as big of an issue before.

          @ AceOfSpades and orlandoy94 I'll admit that I watch porn but I don't think I watch it too much. Probably about once or twice a week. I have heard of tantric sex and it does sound interesting. Have you tried some of it out yet and if so how was it?

          My girlfriend and I moved in together a few months ago, so lasting so long was great at first. But now it's become quite the issue in bed if I usually need at least an hour of constant stimulation cum. My girlfriend doesn't want to be having vaginal and oral for such a long period as well since she's satisfied long before that and it can become tiring and sore for her at times even if we use lube.

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          • #6
            Re: Taking too long to orgasm from sex and masturbation

            Originally posted by Surreal View Post
            @ AceOfSpades and orlandoy94 I'll admit that I watch porn but I don't think I watch it too much. Probably about once or twice a week. I have heard of tantric sex and it does sound interesting. Have you tried some of it out yet and if so how was it?
            Well I hate to KEEP banging on the 'anti-porn' pots and pans. In truth I am not Anti-porn, just meditating on its true value and effects on human sexuality. I usually suggest getting off porn for anyone with sexual issues, not only to break free from any negative effects it may have, but more importantly to be able to get a baseline on your own sexuality. I suggest try it out for a bit, just to see the effects.

            As for Tantric sex, I have not really had a chance to really try it out. I have been putting into practice some of the ideas from "Slow Sex" with fleshlights and I half to say it has been really really interesting and pleasurable.

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            • #7
              Re: Taking too long to orgasm from sex and masturbation

              Originally posted by AceOfSpades View Post
              Well I hate to KEEP banging on the 'anti-porn' pots and pans. In truth I am not Anti-porn, just meditating on its true value and effects on human sexuality. I usually suggest getting off porn for anyone with sexual issues, not only to break free from any negative effects it may have, but more importantly to be able to get a baseline on your own sexuality. I suggest try it out for a bit, just to see the effects.

              As for Tantric sex, I have not really had a chance to really try it out. I have been putting into practice some of the ideas from "Slow Sex" with fleshlights and I half to say it has been really really interesting and pleasurable.
              I didn't say there is anything wrong with your viewpoint of cutting porn and I sort of see how it might become an issue for some. I was simply stating that I watch it about once or twice a week so I thought it wasn't an issue for myself. I will cut it out for a few weeks or so to see if it helps. How long do you think might it take if it is the issue?

              I've also heard that I might be desensitized to sex in a way. It was suggested somewhere else that cutting sex with my girlfriend and abstaining from sex more a month could be beneficial. Obviously I would likely become sexually frustrated and probably more irritable but do you think that might be worth exploring?

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              • #8
                Re: Taking too long to orgasm from sex and masturbation

                Here's what I recommend. For 1 week abstain from any and all sexual activity. Don't have sex, don't watch porn, don't masturbate and see what effect it has on 'rebooting' your sexual response. There are studies showing that abstaining from ejaculation for 7 days will gives men a huge testosterone spike. And refraining from you current sexual rhythm will help you reset it to what is functional for you.

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                • #9
                  Re: Taking too long to orgasm from sex and masturbation

                  Maybe abstaining wouldn't be a bad idea...and then doing other things that you really enjoy. I'm 50 so been around awhile and maybe there's something to dating and courting that makes things "mysterious", if that makes sense. Probably doesn't but anything you do all the time becomes routine more than an event or something to look forward to...just my two cents

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                  • #10
                    Re: Taking too long to orgasm from sex and masturbation

                    OK I guess I'll try abstaining from sexual activities for at least a week. I can only imagine how frustrating this might get after a week or two.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Taking too long to orgasm from sex and masturbation

                      Originally posted by Surreal View Post
                      OK I guess I'll try abstaining from sexual activities for at least a week. I can only imagine how frustrating this might get after a week or two.
                      Don't know what age you are, but I am in my mid 20's and I've noticed that my diet and other things can drastically affect my sexual satisfaction, drive, and performance. This differs for all people, but caffeine is definitely something that gets me going, as can something more abstract such as a woman I see or have made contact with recently. Your performance variation might have to do with diet or if what you're watching is doing it for you or not. Boring, generic porn wouldn't get me rolling near as fast as some sexy teen girls eating each other out. Taking a break for as long as you can stand it might be a good idea, but try pacing yourself as well. If the idea of 2 or 3 days without is going to kill you, then try moving yourself to every other day and then gradually space out your sessions. Make sure on the days you don't that you exercise or do some type of physical exertion to use up some of that energy that your body typically expends to reach orgasm.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Taking too long to orgasm from sex and masturbation

                        To some degree I think every guys deals with this. I know from experience there are times when I have trouble not ejaculating within the first minute of screwing and other times where it takes way too long, and it doesn't even seem to have anything to do with how much I'm into it. I think the largest factor has to do with how long it's been since the last ejaculation.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Taking too long to orgasm from sex and masturbation

                          Well after a week of not having sex or masturbating I finally found out whether if it was worth it last night.

                          Not getting into all the nitty gritty details I found it very difficult to hold off ejaculating during foreplay and the first couple minutes of intercourse with my girlfriend. It took about 35 minutes after I entered her and we took a break in the middle. I normally take twice as long so that was good. The orgasm was very powerful as well which is definitely a bonus. I shot a large amount of semen and it was very thick and gunky. I'm guessing this is normal if one abstains from sex / masturbation for a while? I've never gone more then a few days since I first discovered masturbation. We did go a second round later where I lasted about 50 minutes.

                          Anyways what do these results mean? Does it mean in order to not take forever to cum I need to abstain for a week each time? Or is there something else I can so I can have sex with my gf and masturbate regularly?

                          Oh yeah I forgot to mention I had to disable images through internet security software and browser the pics in the forums.
                          Last edited by Surreal; 01-10-2014, 03:43 PM.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Taking too long to orgasm from sex and masturbation

                            Good to hear Surreal!

                            I would not know what it means. That is for you to figure out. I would keep masturbation to a minimum and keep off the porn, see how that effects things and correct from there.

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                            • #15
                              Re: Taking too long to orgasm from sex and masturbation

                              Originally posted by AceOfSpades View Post
                              Good to hear Surreal!

                              I would not know what it means. That is for you to figure out. I would keep masturbation to a minimum and keep off the porn, see how that effects things and correct from there.
                              Alright I'll give it a shot. Guess that means the new sleeves that I ordered stay unopened for a while once they arrive.

                              It's alright for me to have sex regularly with my girlfriend then right?

                              I gotta say that was one frustrating week. Got irritated a lot more easily and has to use a fair bit of self control to not get upset outwardly to people.

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