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  • Need some advice

    Hey guys I'm dealing with a bit of an issue and I'm not sure what to do. Lately I met this girl and we have really hit it off, but in the bedroom things aren't going so well. We have had sex twice and I have gone almost completely limp on her both times. Needless to say this has lead to some awkward situations. I could not get hard again to save my life and I'm only 23. I suspect it may be caused by my low blood pressure, but I'm not sure. This also sometimes happens when I am using the fleshlight.

    Have any of you guys had an awkward situation like this?

  • #2
    Re: Need some advice

    When I first started having sex with my first gf, I had this happen to me as well (I'm 24). I think I was just so worried about lasting and pleasing her that I would go limp. Just try to relax, I know that is easier said than done.


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    • #3
      Re: Need some advice

      Yeah it's definitely a concentration kind of deal. Focusing on it and worrying about it distracts the primal part of you trying to get laid. The more you can relax and stop worrying about it the less of an issue it becomes until it's not an issue. Once you relax and get completely hard, you'll realize how easy it is and you'll be able to consistently do it.

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      • #4
        Re: Need some advice

        Thanks for the advice guys. I've done a little research on it and I think it is both a mental block and my diet. I'm going to go ahead and make some adjustments to my lifestyle and see if I have any results.

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        • #5
          Re: Need some advice

          Keep strong L2F, Performance anxiety can really mess up your performance (obviously). I agree that diet and life style are a big influence. Be aware that your arousal will fluctuate as you are having sex, I have had times when I have gone soft just before intercourse. I get jet back into foreplay until im back up.
          Also think about if you are viewing porn, too much can effect your arousal levels. Continues porn exposure will mess with your reward pathways and dopamine production. Overall it can effect your arousal levels and you confidence around women.

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          • #6
            Re: Need some advice

            Do you have sex with the lights on? If so, try watching the actual penetration. I know that keeps me nice and ridgid. Suck on her tits as you fuck her as well, she'll love it too. And remember, if you're enjoying it, she's probably enjoying it even more. Tell her to talk dirty.

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            • #7
              Re: Need some advice

              Originally posted by Loves2Fly View Post
              Thanks for the advice guys. I've done a little research on it and I think it is both a mental block and my diet. I'm going to go ahead and make some adjustments to my lifestyle and see if I have any results.
              Well thought out and said! Congrats.

              Questions - how often do you masturbate? Always with your FL? Do you always use porn?

              Where i'm going with this is that you may be used to certain stimulus and having an actual REAL woman with you might be "fucking with your chi", so to speak. No, seriously, laugh if you want, but this is something that is very real for lots of people - not just men either!

              I'd question yourself with those above Q's and give yourself some honest answers and implement a plan of action along with your other lifestyle changes and you'll probably poundin' like a champ in no time. Hell, I bet you'll be SOOOO good she'll wanna bring her friends! lol

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              • #8
                Re: Need some advice

                have you used a cock ring?

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                • #9
                  Re: Need some advice

                  I have never used a cock ring before. As for masturbation, I tend to do it a lot with a fleshlight and porn. I recently have almost stopped masturbating and looking at porn because I read that too much affects testosterone levels.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Need some advice

                    Originally posted by Loves2Fly View Post
                    I recently have almost stopped masturbating and looking at porn because I read that too much affects testosterone levels.
                    I've never heard that before. Can you tell us where you read that?

                    Sarahlife, can you give us any info on this subject one way or the other?

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                    • #11
                      Re: Need some advice

                      Originally posted by SLECTOR View Post
                      I've never heard that before. Can you tell us where you read that?

                      Sarahlife, can you give us any info on this subject one way or the other?
                      It may not be testosterone levels specifically, but the topic of "porn-inducted erectile dysfunction" has been broached a few times on these boards. The basic premise is that younger men (~20) begin to suffer from psychological ED, where they are still physically capable of an erection, but the brain isn't able to activate it. I would imagine that one major root of the problem was the introduction of internet porn. If you think about it, finding hundreds of gigabytes of high-quality porn online takes mere seconds. Just a couple of decades ago, a guy might have had a couple of adult mags and maybe a couple of VHS tapes. Now there is such a huge selection of material that we are constantly "refining" our standards, looking for new and more arousing material. We become so overloaded by it that our brain is normalized for it and anything less isn't arousing. Admitting that a naked woman in your bed is less arousing than some internet porn would also be really hard for a lot of guys.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Need some advice

                        I'm glad to see this subject brought up in the Fleshlight Forums, because you're not alone, Loves2Fly. I've had this problem with my last few girlfriends and much of what's been discussed has happened to me. I watched internet porn and masturbated frequently for years before my first time when I was 19; I'm 25 now. At that time, I could get it up, but I couldn't maintain the erection and even when I could, I found I couldn't ejaculate (even though I had no problem getting, staying and cumming hard when masturbating.) Since then it's only gotten worse and the last GF I had, even though I was sexually attracted to her, my cock would go limp RIGHT at the moment of penetration: I was hard as a rock when we were foolin around with foreplay, but as soon as it came time to perform my boy got stage-fright. I suspect there are a lot of contributing factors involved: too much Internet Porn, too little contact with real women (I'm very introverted), performance anxiety, etc. I think it's more psycho/neurological than anything, but it's difficult to relax and "go with the flow" when you have a history of going soft. I don't mean to hijack your thread or anything, Loves2Fly, but do any other Flyers have some tips/suggestions for me?
                        Last edited by Octavius; 01-07-2013, 12:37 AM. Reason: Typo

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                        • #13
                          Re: Need some advice

                          Originally posted by Octavius View Post
                          I don't mean to hijack your thread or anything, Loves2Fly, but do any other Flyers have some tips/suggestions for me?
                          From what I understand, you have to stop "cold turkey" for about 2 months to let your brain reset.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Need some advice

                            Two months, eh? Damn...what a fuckin wait time. Makes ya wish you could just do a System Restore lol

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                            • #15
                              Re: Need some advice

                              Originally posted by Octavius View Post
                              Two months, eh? Damn...what a fuckin wait time. Makes ya wish you could just do a System Restore lol
                              Seriously. I wish it was just that simple.

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