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  1. #1
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    Default Need some advice

    Hey guys I'm dealing with a bit of an issue and I'm not sure what to do. Lately I met this girl and we have really hit it off, but in the bedroom things aren't going so well. We have had sex twice and I have gone almost completely limp on her both times. Needless to say this has lead to some awkward situations. I could not get hard again to save my life and I'm only 23. I suspect it may be caused by my low blood pressure, but I'm not sure. This also sometimes happens when I am using the fleshlight.

    Have any of you guys had an awkward situation like this?

  2. #2

    Default Re: Need some advice

    When I first started having sex with my first gf, I had this happen to me as well (I'm 24). I think I was just so worried about lasting and pleasing her that I would go limp. Just try to relax, I know that is easier said than done.


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  3. #3
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Yeah it's definitely a concentration kind of deal. Focusing on it and worrying about it distracts the primal part of you trying to get laid. The more you can relax and stop worrying about it the less of an issue it becomes until it's not an issue. Once you relax and get completely hard, you'll realize how easy it is and you'll be able to consistently do it.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Thanks for the advice guys. I've done a little research on it and I think it is both a mental block and my diet. I'm going to go ahead and make some adjustments to my lifestyle and see if I have any results.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Keep strong L2F, Performance anxiety can really mess up your performance (obviously). I agree that diet and life style are a big influence. Be aware that your arousal will fluctuate as you are having sex, I have had times when I have gone soft just before intercourse. I get jet back into foreplay until im back up.
    Also think about if you are viewing porn, too much can effect your arousal levels. Continues porn exposure will mess with your reward pathways and dopamine production. Overall it can effect your arousal levels and you confidence around women.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Do you have sex with the lights on? If so, try watching the actual penetration. I know that keeps me nice and ridgid. Suck on her tits as you fuck her as well, she'll love it too. And remember, if you're enjoying it, she's probably enjoying it even more. Tell her to talk dirty.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Loves2Fly View Post
    Thanks for the advice guys. I've done a little research on it and I think it is both a mental block and my diet. I'm going to go ahead and make some adjustments to my lifestyle and see if I have any results.
    Well thought out and said! Congrats.

    Questions - how often do you masturbate? Always with your FL? Do you always use porn?

    Where i'm going with this is that you may be used to certain stimulus and having an actual REAL woman with you might be "fucking with your chi", so to speak. No, seriously, laugh if you want, but this is something that is very real for lots of people - not just men either!

    I'd question yourself with those above Q's and give yourself some honest answers and implement a plan of action along with your other lifestyle changes and you'll probably poundin' like a champ in no time. Hell, I bet you'll be SOOOO good she'll wanna bring her friends! lol

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    have you used a cock ring?

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    I have never used a cock ring before. As for masturbation, I tend to do it a lot with a fleshlight and porn. I recently have almost stopped masturbating and looking at porn because I read that too much affects testosterone levels.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Loves2Fly View Post
    I recently have almost stopped masturbating and looking at porn because I read that too much affects testosterone levels.
    I've never heard that before. Can you tell us where you read that?

    Sarahlife, can you give us any info on this subject one way or the other?

  11. #11
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by SLECTOR View Post
    I've never heard that before. Can you tell us where you read that?

    Sarahlife, can you give us any info on this subject one way or the other?
    It may not be testosterone levels specifically, but the topic of "porn-inducted erectile dysfunction" has been broached a few times on these boards. The basic premise is that younger men (~20) begin to suffer from psychological ED, where they are still physically capable of an erection, but the brain isn't able to activate it. I would imagine that one major root of the problem was the introduction of internet porn. If you think about it, finding hundreds of gigabytes of high-quality porn online takes mere seconds. Just a couple of decades ago, a guy might have had a couple of adult mags and maybe a couple of VHS tapes. Now there is such a huge selection of material that we are constantly "refining" our standards, looking for new and more arousing material. We become so overloaded by it that our brain is normalized for it and anything less isn't arousing. Admitting that a naked woman in your bed is less arousing than some internet porn would also be really hard for a lot of guys.

  12. #12
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    I'm glad to see this subject brought up in the Fleshlight Forums, because you're not alone, Loves2Fly. I've had this problem with my last few girlfriends and much of what's been discussed has happened to me. I watched internet porn and masturbated frequently for years before my first time when I was 19; I'm 25 now. At that time, I could get it up, but I couldn't maintain the erection and even when I could, I found I couldn't ejaculate (even though I had no problem getting, staying and cumming hard when masturbating.) Since then it's only gotten worse and the last GF I had, even though I was sexually attracted to her, my cock would go limp RIGHT at the moment of penetration: I was hard as a rock when we were foolin around with foreplay, but as soon as it came time to perform my boy got stage-fright. I suspect there are a lot of contributing factors involved: too much Internet Porn, too little contact with real women (I'm very introverted), performance anxiety, etc. I think it's more psycho/neurological than anything, but it's difficult to relax and "go with the flow" when you have a history of going soft. I don't mean to hijack your thread or anything, Loves2Fly, but do any other Flyers have some tips/suggestions for me?
    Last edited by Octavius; 01-06-2013 at 11:37 PM. Reason: Typo

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Octavius View Post
    I don't mean to hijack your thread or anything, Loves2Fly, but do any other Flyers have some tips/suggestions for me?
    From what I understand, you have to stop "cold turkey" for about 2 months to let your brain reset.

  14. #14
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Two months, eh? Damn...what a fuckin wait time. Makes ya wish you could just do a System Restore lol

  15. #15
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Octavius View Post
    Two months, eh? Damn...what a fuckin wait time. Makes ya wish you could just do a System Restore lol
    Seriously. I wish it was just that simple.

  16. #16
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Your not the only one. This is apparently a common problem among young adult males today.

    You may need a reset, our brains/sexual reproduction systems weren't built to be able to handle the proliferation of internet porn in today's world. I would first start out with a 7 day reset, meaning NO PORN whatsoever. If this doesn't work, try extending it. You can masturbate but do so without porn so you can recondition yourself. I still really love porn but have seen great results in my real sex life by limiting my internet porn consumption.

    For further reading into this topic visit:
    yourbrainonporn.com/ask-us

  17. #17
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    Default Re: Need some advice

    Something that hasn't been brought up, that could also have the same effect, is your level of trust with this girl. I've found, especially as I've gotten older, that the less that I trust a woman, the less likely she is to arouse me, or keep me aroused. I was involved with someone for a couple of years and she changed during that time. I found it difficult (purposely avoiding the word "hard" here) to maintain an erection and achieve orgasm with her. This was after she had changed. I had zero problems before that and actually she and I were almost perpetually turned on during most of our relationship. After I left her, I got involved for a short while with an acquaintance who expressed a lot of interest in me when I was with the first one.

    She, during my first relationship, had shown me a jealous side and was to the point that I was afraid she was going to go after and confront the first one because she felt that I should be with her instead. Needless to say, I didn't completely trust this one either and found the same thing occurring, but to a lesser degree. The first one I really
    didn't trust anymore. The second one I was more weary of than mistrusting.

    Along the same lines; I used to work with a girl who was smoking hot. Everyone would drool over her and she got a lot of attention. She was smart and funny, also, which is a big big plus in my book. I ended up becoming friends with her and she confessed that she was interested in hooking up with me. The problem was is that this girl's life is a mess. She's a recovering addict. She doesn't take care of her own child. She dates guys who beat her up and she goes back for more. The girl is trouble.

    While I initially was attracted very strongly to her, I knew that if I got involved with her that it would end up bringing unwanted trouble into my life. Hell, just being friends with her did on more than one occasion. The point is that even when we were alone together and in a situation where it should have been arousing for me, it wasn't. I guess my cock wasn't willing to trust her enough to actually let anything happen. I turned down her offer and we remained friends until her behavior got out of control and I had to put an end to it.

    Maybe in your case there's nothing like this going on, but that can be a factor at times. Then again, I may be different from other guys, as I tend to think with my brain more than the other head. I just wanted to present another possibility.

 

 

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