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  1. #1
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    Default Is this normal? Sex decreases stress?

    I've always been pretty sexually submissive with my husband. He made it very clear early in our marriage when he saw that our sex drives are very different that he expected something sexual 5 times a week. He even threatened to divorce me if I didn't comply because he was not going to live a sexless life. This was a long time ago; he's never threatened divorce since. I love having sex with him, but I am more responsive as a result of that conversation.

    But lately, he's wanted more than 5 times a week. His reasoning is that his job has become very very stressful in the past few months. He manages several projects and has 12 people working for him. He has tight deadlines and even tighter budgets. He works 60-70 hours a week.

    Usually at night, we snuggle on the couch and watch TV and lately he's been kissing and fondling me. Eventually he'll turn the TV off in the middle of the show because he wants me to either blow him or let him fuck me. 19 times out of 20 I do either one. Then a couple of hours later, after we go to bed, he wants another blowjob or to fuck me again. This happens about 3 times a week.

    He said he's so stressed out and sex calms him down and helps him sleep.

    Should I be worried...like this is sex addiction? Or is this normal for a man? Does this really help a man deal with stress?

    He's such a good husband; like really great. He sent me and two of my girlfriends to a spa weekend last month (surprised me with it and paid for all of it). And he went with me to disneyworld last weekend and he really hates that place. But he put his heart into it and made it fun.

    So, I'm not an abused woman by any stretch. He never makes me do anything I don't want to do and never initiates sex when I'm sick.

    i was just wondering if the men on here thought this was normal.

  2. #2
    FLight First Officer
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    Default Re: Is this normal? Sex decreases stress?

    Well, sex is something that helps me relax when I'm stressed for sure. I don't get it anywhere near as often as you are describing.

    But I'm a much more introverted guy, so I've never put any level of expectations on my wife (26yrs together). But what I do is masturbate a lot. We have a very active sex life, but not an everyday occurence. On the nights we don't have sex I typically just masturbate when I go to bed, and then I sleep like a baby!

    I think it sounds like a compliment (but then again I am a guy, so I may be biased), but when we are troubled or stressed wr want to relieve that by being intimate with the love of our life!

    It is much better than turning to something else, like drugs or alcohol or hookers!!!

    I wish I could get bj's that often!!!!!

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Is this normal? Sex decreases stress?

    How long this has been the case?

    Orgasm itself is known to be very good for health and stress.
    Also being with someone you care about is good.
    Some people have higher sex drives than others, that's normal.

    But if he's living it only as a release valve... if you're living it as something you MUST do, then I think you two should have a talk if this carries on too long.
    For the time being, I would appreciate if you cold keep helping him since it's so important for you. And we males appreciate that kind of attention.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Is this normal? Sex decreases stress?

    It may sound stupid, but as Im still "young", and have high drive for everything, I had to add some heavy sport. Found something from doing it: If I have two hours of sex, i can do sport later. Once I have heavy physical load (sport), I loose everything about my sex tastes. If its not enaugh, I have a strong beer and sex can make me to the heaven for like three days, And those three days, I live from it.
    I think your husband should find MORE things to do with his stress, not only sex. Hes just not relaxed enaugh, or hes just foxy :-)
    You have the right to skip one or two days, but also if you can do it for him without any prb, it would be stupid to force it.
    Its obviously for serius talk if you see it strange. You can assure him, that you will do that for him ANYWAY, but there is something on his side, that he should solve this kind of problem, because he really needs it every day. That is not good for you, and for him also. Blowjob cannot be solution for problems. Cant help myself.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Is this normal? Sex decreases stress?

    I agree about the exercise. Does he do cardio almost every day? Maybe he's not doing enough. However, exercise can increase libido too. :-)

    I don't think two times a day a few times a week is that unusual, so if he's otherwise healthy and managing his stress the best he can, I wouldn't worry about that as long as you're into it as much as he is.
    Last edited by Surrey; 09-30-2013 at 11:11 AM.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Is this normal? Sex decreases stress?

    It sounds like you guys think it's excessive, but also kinda normal. I think he just has a higher drive than most guys. He does exercise though...a lot. He runs almost everyday and goes to the gym.

  7. #7
    Airport Security
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    Default Re: Is this normal? Sex decreases stress?

    Sex can help you relax, that is definitely true. Hormones are released that cause a calming, soothing effect.

    However, what is not ok about this situation is that he seems to be strong-arming you into giving him sexual pleasure when you're not in the mood for it. This is not good. It is called sexual coercion.

    If he says things that are like this: "if you love me then you'll give me a blow job every night (or more) because i'm really stressed and I need sexual activity to relax".... that counts as coercion. You should never have to perform any sexual activities, even if they are focused on him, unless you WANT to and are in the mood to do it.

    This is why we make Fleshlights, so that no woman feels that she has to put out because her partner is in the mood when she isn't! Make him use his Fleshlight instead of using you.


    **Disclaimer - I am assuming a worst case scenario here. He might not be pressuring you into it, you might be giving him several blow jobs a day because you really like giving him blow jobs and making him cum. In that case, this is totally fine and the sex will help him relax. What I don't like is hearing that someone might be using stress as an excuse to convince their partner to perform sexual acts more often than they would prefer to without the coercion.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Is this normal? Sex decreases stress?

    Quote Originally Posted by SarahLIFE View Post
    However, what is not ok about this situation is that he seems to be strong-arming you into giving him sexual pleasure when you're not in the mood for it. This is not good. It is called sexual coercion.

    If he says things that are like this: "if you love me then you'll give me a blow job every night (or more) because i'm really stressed and I need sexual activity to relax".... that counts as coercion. You should never have to perform any sexual activities, even if they are focused on him, unless you WANT to and are in the mood to do it.

    This is why we make Fleshlights, so that no woman feels that she has to put out because her partner is in the mood when she isn't! Make him use his Fleshlight instead of using you.
    He isn't strong-arming me. I'm not always in the mood, but that doesn't mean I don't want to. If it were up to him, we'd probably do it at least once a day. If it were up to me, we'd do it 3 times a month. So, we've negotiated what I think is a decent middle ground. I've definitely told him to use the FL instead. :-) One of the reasons I like it so much!! But, yeah, I never do it if I don't want to and he doesn't push beyond my first 'no.'

    He's just been friskier than usual and when I asked what's up, he said he thinks it's stress. I was just curious if other men found it stress relieving. For me, it's the last thing I want when I'm stressed. In fact, I can't even think about sex when I'm stressed. When I'm stressed, I just want to eat chocolate and lay in bed and watch The Office.
    Last edited by Patches; 10-01-2013 at 03:49 PM.

  9. #9
    Airport Security
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    Default Re: Is this normal? Sex decreases stress?

    Quote Originally Posted by Patches View Post
    He isn't strong-arming me. I'm not always in the mood, but that doesn't mean I don't want to. If it were up to him, we'd probably do it at least once a day. If it were up to me, we'd do it 3 times a month. So, we've negotiated what I think is a decent middle ground. I've definitely told him to use the FL instead. :-) One of the reasons I like it so much!! But, yeah, I never do it if I don't want to and he doesn't push beyond my first 'no.'

    He's just been friskier than usual and when I asked what's up, he said he thinks it's stress. I was just curious if other men found it stress relieving. For me, it's the last thing I want when I'm stressed. In fact, I can't even think about sex when I'm stressed. When I'm stressed, I just want to eat chocolate and lay in bed and watch The Office.

    Oh ok, that's great. Yeah sex does some cool things to the body, including relieving stress. Check out this WebMD page: http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/10-surprising-health-benefits-of-sex

    I agree with you though... when I'm stressed sex isn't usually my go-to relaxant!

 

 

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